Mamahood Exposed: Good, Bad, Ugly, And Funny

Here’s an uplifting post in the continuing series about Mamahood.

Good Day Moda Mama Readers!!!! 

I’m Hanna from {bouffe e bambini}. I am honored to be here today guest posting about MOTHERHOOD!!!!!!

Why? 


Because it has changed my life in every way I can possibly imagine!!!!

I have two children. Milton is 2 and Ginger is 11 months. They are 13 months apart. I was literally pregnant for 2 years straight. That is a post all unto itself. 

Lets start with 

THE GOOD:


I have realized that I have COMPLETELY changed and I mean completely. The moment I laid eyes on my sweet baby boy my whole universe changed, everything inside me changed. Suddenly there was no way I could ever find anything to complain about or be grumpy about. I was over filled with JOY and GRATITUDE. It was amazing. It literally happened in a single instant. The way I acted my entire 30 years of life completely changed in a split second. Now, I find myself updating my facebook status everyday about how grateful I am and ordering T-shirts that say things like “YES!!” and “LOVE IS FREE”. I’m just happy, truly happy! I think I drive my husband crazy half the time with my ridiculously happy outlook on everything!!! HA!!!

 

Having children was a revelation for me. Immediately I thought to myself, “What was I doing with my life before I had kids?” For me having children has been the single most important, amazing, life altering experience I’ve ever had. Suddenly I knew my purpose. I knew what I was always meant to do. I was full. All those unanswered questions  about what I should really be doing with my life were answered in an instant. I WAS MEANT TO BE A MOTHER. period.

I feel like my life just only truly began with the birth of my kids.  I love it. I love my life. I love that God gave me these beautiful little beings who changed me forever in the best way I can imagine. They gave me the true meaning of my life. They let me experience the true meaning of real joy.

THE BAD:

Honestly there isn’t that much. For me the bad is having to work full time and that time I have to spend away from children. It literally breaks my heart every single night when I walk out that door for work. If I could, I would be a stay at home mother in an instant. Unfortunately, financially right now it’s not possible for us. I am very thankful that my husband stays home with them while they are still young and we do not send them to daycare. VERY GRATEFUL!

When they are sick it’s bad. It kills me to see them suffer. I would give both arms and legs to heal my babies pain. 


THE UGLY:


  I was a big advocate for natural childbirth for myself and thankfully I was able to have them both 100% drug free. That being said, boy was I in for the shock of my life when I went into full fledged labor. There is no way to possibly explain the intensity of the pain to anyone unless they have gone through it themselves. I was in labor with my son for 17 hours and by the time he was crowning I was SURE I was dying. I was begging the docs to cut  me. I laugh about it now but holy moly….all I can say it that is one hell of an experience. 

So with my daughter, I started getting really bad anxiety at about 6 months pregnant because of the pain. I knew how bad it was going to hurt but luckily she came out 2 hours and 16 minuets after my first contraction so it was more manageable but still hurt just as bad. 

So, the natural birthing process for me was amazing but not as touchy, feely and wonderful as I thought it would be. When my son came out I was so exhausted and in so much pain I could hardly even look at him. 

I think because I am a nurse I am used to dealing with much more disgusting things than my kids could ever bring on:)  A few weeks ago they both had the stomach flu at the same time and I have never been so exhausted in all my life. I was literally running to wash all the crib sheets in the  house as fast as possible because they both still sleep in a crib and they were projectile vomiting everywhere. ALL OVER ME, THE CARPET, THE CRIBS…EVERYWHERE. 

It was definitely ugly!!!! 

THE FUNNY:


For me this is mainly the state in which my house and my mind are left on a daily basis. My house literally looks like a bomb went off in it 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 

DO I clean? 

Of course. In fact CONSTANTLY!!! It is never ending. I am loading dirty dishes in and they are talking them out as I’m doing it. There is no hope in this department so I just have to laugh and I warn every guests that ever comes here about the MESS that children bring. 

I laugh when I find a dirty diaper rolled up in my jacket pocket and 4 smashed crackers. I felt like with the first baby I really had it together. I was organized; on top of it and now it’s just survival!!!! So there are many comical moments.

Thank you so much for having me today!!!! It is such an honor to share my family with you!!! Honestly these children have made me the person I have always wanted to be; strived to be. 

They are my everything; hands down the most important thing I have ever done and will ever do!!!! 

Please feel free to come visit me anytime. I love new friends!!

Are you a Mama with  a story to tell?  
Send in your submission to joanna.haughton{at}hotmail{dot}com. 
 

Another Exciting Project

Top – UO; Skirt – c/o Emerging Thoughts; Leggings & Silver ring – F21; Boots – Feet First; Bicycle ring – Spotted Moth.

Over the weekend I shot a fabulous character called ‘Nadia Burkoff’ – sex therapist, life coach and beauty queen.  This is a hilarious character created by a dear friend of mine, and one of my newest exciting projects.  So far, I’ve shot the promotion shoot *you can see some pictures here* and done a brief interview about Nadia’s new book.  But as I’ve taken on the role of producer/director for this burgeoning series, I’ve got a lot more insanity and hilarity planned for the future.  In the meantime, I appreciate you checking out the video of the interview, as well some of the promo shots.  Thanks!

True Story:
Do you think she’s trying to drink her milk through telekinesis?

Summer Brights

Scarf – street stand; Sweater & Jeans – Gap; Boots – Locale; Bracelet – thrifted.

Winter has hit us hard!  It makes me want to curl up in warm sweaters and cozy scarves – so I’m just going with that instinct.  It takes a lot to get me out of dresses, but a wind chill factor that makes it feel inhuman outdoors will definitely do it.  Though not for long!

Some people think that winter has to mean you put away your bright summer things, but I don’t agree with that.  I wear sundresses, pastels and brights colors all year long.  It’s a matter of layering and co-ordinating.  I think most of the old rules, like what ‘goes’ with what, are out.  There’s appropriate clothing, like don’t wear a bright sundress to a funeral, but as far as hard set rules, like no white shoes after labour day, I think they’re pretty much out the window.  It’s all about good styling, with that you can break any fashion rule!

On a silly sartorial note – I have have to recycle the same outfit for three days! *not in a row at least* You see, for callbacks you have to wear the same thing you wore to the original audition – so two callbacks later, I’m still wearing the same stuff.  But at least I’ve booked one so far!  Keep your eyes on your tv!

True Story:
Andrew was away for five nights on a business trip.  So Drake the Dog slept on the bed on Andrew’s spot.  The first night after Andrew came back we’re in bad and Drake is standing by Andrew’s side and starting at him like, “Dude get outta my place.”  
Andrew didn’t move.  
Neither did Drake.
Then he whined.
*the dog not the husband*
Nothing.
Then he made a sound that was part growl, part whine, part pout, and all cute.  
Andrew caved and took him into bed…for a while at least.

Fringe And Photo Shows

Earrings – ?; Necklace – F21; Sweater & Top – HUH; Pants – Gap; Boots – Feet First.

I nabbed these two tops from local Toronto designer boutique HUH.  She makes all her own clothes and everything is one of a kind.  So if you’re in Toronto, get your butts over to Queen St. West and nab some stuff during their huge winter sale before it’s all gone! 

And while we’re on the subject of sartorial treasures, can I say that I never thought I would love skinny velvet jeans, but I do!  I love these pants.  They seem to go with everything and I really like that they add this rich texture to everything.  It just makes every outfit feel just a little bit more special.  They were a sale nab as well.  Bonus!

 It was -25 degrees celcius outside when  I did these shots. And I did it just for you!  You see I wore this outfit to a recent photo exhibit by Joshua MacDonald
opening in which I was one of the models, but since I headed out in the
evening, I couldn’t get good outfit shots.  So I put this on a few days
later for some shots, and then immediately jumped back inside and into
warmer clothes. 

Posters for the show on the way in.

This is one of the nine photos on exhibit – and do you recognize the model???

Joshua is really talented.  One of his photos won a prestigious award in Ontario and he only just recently graduated!  He’s going to take the photography world by storm, and I’m so pleased that I got a chance to shoot with him.  This is one person I would work with any day of the week and twice on Sunday!

p.s. I’d love it if you checked out my latest photo shoot here.  Thanks a bunch!
p.p.s.  I had to turn on word verification on the blog. I was getting a lot of spam!  Sorry!

True Story:
Yup, she did that.  
Twice.

Mamahood Exposed: One And Done

Hey guys, Mamahood Expose continues with Katie from Hems For Her writing about her choice to have one child.  When I read this piece I was very moved, and I couldn’t wait to share it with you.  Katie’s vulnerability and honesty is beautiful, and I appreciate her sharing this so much!
I slept through the most important text
and phone call of my best friend’s life. When I awoke from the midday nap, I
had a missed call, a voicemail, and a text message. The message was attached to
a cell phone snapshot of a positive pregnancy test, and before I could be happy
for her, I was relieved that it wasn’t me.
My entire life I planned to have two
kids, separated by just a couple of years, just like me and my sister. It was going
to be the perfect little nuclear family. When I started dating my high school
boyfriend (and now husband of eight years), he, very early in the relationship,
told me he had his first-born son’s name already selected. Sean Logan. It rolled nicely off the tongue. “Why Sean Logan?” I
asked already imagining what our child would look like. He was incredulous,
“Ummm, Sean after the best James Bond, Sean Connery, and Logan because that’s
Wolverine’s real name.” Ah, the mind of a 17-year-old male virgin.
Fast-forward ten years, and we begin to
plan in earnest for our family. I started tracking my cycle and taking my folic
acid, and then, on the very first try, it happened- I got pregnant! It wasn’t a
great pregnancy. I didn’t glow; I broke out (everywhere). I was nauseated all
the time. I had terribly heartburn and worse hemorrhoids. I once bought myself
a whole ice cream cake as a reward for finally being able to insert a hemorrhoidal
suppository where the sun don’t shine. I was riddled with anxiety- the kind that
affects both your sleep and your bowels. But I was happy. I was having a baby!
One down, one to go.

When we found out we were having a boy
(still Sean Logan after ten years), we excitedly decorated a nursery and begin
stocking up on dinosaur and sports-themed onesies. My labor, while drawn out
over 12 hours, was a positive experience and I was thrilled when I finally
pushed Sean out into the world we had prepared for him. But then something
strange happened. They had to make me hold him. Here he was perfect and
beautiful and all mine, and I didn’t even want to hold him. I know much has
been written about mother-infant bonding, but this was more than that. This was
terrifying. I had to take two tests to get my driver’s license as a teen, but
they were just going to let me take this tiny creature home. I didn’t even know
how to change a diaper and now I’m in charge of his well-being. Bad idea.

Nights were the worst. I was severely
sleep-deprived, nursing around the clock, and documenting every poop, pee and breastfeed
fastidiously in a notebook I carried around at all times. I was insane. I knew
all about post-partum depression. I was already on Zoloft. But I was not
functioning. If the poop wasn’t the creamy mustard-colored as indicated in What to Expect, I started looking up
what terrible diseases must by lurking within my beautiful infant. I even
packed up a dirty diaper in a Ziploc bag and rushed him to the pediatrician
once. She pulled my mother and husband aside and sweetly suggested they hide my
books.
One night I convinced myself I had a
blood clot in my right leg and death was imminent. I cried the entire trip to
the emergency room convinced I would never return home to my son, but relieved
because he’d probably be better off without me. After hours in the ER, a full
physical and an ultrasound of my leg, my doctor diagnosed me with a leg cramp
and prescribed “sleep.” When I would try to sleep, I had aural hallucinations.
I would hear my baby crying in my dreams. I would bolt out of bed, heart
pounding, to check his breathing. Days when I was alone with him, he stayed in
a diaper and nothing more. I was too scared to pull a onesie over his big melon
head and floppy neck. 
He cried. And cried. And cried. For the
first three months it seemed like he never stopped crying. What was I doing
wrong? Back to the books (I found them hidden behind the television). He was
going to die I just knew it. One day I could do nothing to soothe him. I was
alone and it wasn’t even lunch time. I cried. Finally, desperate and feeling
like I might be losing my mind, I called my husband and told him, “I am putting
in my ear plugs and getting in the shower. Sean will be in his crib. I am
staying in the shower until you come home. I can’t take it anymore.” He rushed
home.
I never wanted to hurt my child. I loved
him more than life itself. I only wanted him to be safe and healthy. I wanted
to stop feeling crazy. I wanted to run away and never come back because I knew
he would be better off without me. I increased my Zoloft. Time passed. He slept
longer at night. I slept longer. I went back to work. He went to daycare. I
begin to be able to enjoy being a mom and having a son. I still wanted to rush
him to the pediatrician anytime he presented with a fever or the sniffles, but
my husband was able to calm me down.

People began asking, “When are you going
to have the next one?”; “Don’t you want to give Sean a baby sister?”; “It’s
about time for another one, don’t you think?” I tried to brush the question off
with vague answers and knowing smiles, but deep down I already knew I was ever
going to have another child.  I had no
desire to have another child. One and I was done. I never ever ever wanted to
go through the hell that was a newborn baby again.
They said, “Oh, you’ll forget the pain.
You’ll forget the sleepless nights. Just wait till you hold someone else’s
baby, then those ovaries will start aching.” I don’t want to hold other
people’s babies. And I can promise you I will never forget the sleepless nights
and the insanity that consumed my life.
Within a year of Sean’s birth I wanted
my husband to have a vasectomy, but he gently refused- not so much out of penis
fear, but because he hoped I would change my mind. I waited and smiled
obligingly at infants that didn’t belong to me. I congratulated people with
they announced the “good news”. I tried to avoid telling them about my personal
experience since it was a little too real. Expectant mothers don’t want to hear
about how I pretty much lost my mind and have spent years begging my husband to
sever his vas deferens. They want to hear about how wonderful having a baby,
not about night terrors and crying in the shower. They want rainbows and
butterflies and I can’t give them that. So I choose to stay quiet and nod when
appropriate and smile when necessary.
Over the summer, I chose to have a
Mirena IUD inserted. This means I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant
until 2016. I will be 35 years old. Sean will be 9 years old. As I lay on the
table, my legs in stirrups, I thought to myself, “This is it. I will never have
another baby. I will never feel that flutter of life within my womb. I will
never labor for hours. Sean will never have a little brother of sister.” And I
felt just fine about it. I can always change my mind. The IUD could be taken
out in five minutes. I could start tracking my ovulation again. But I don’t
want to. Why is there something wrong with that?

I have been told I am selfish for not
wanting to have another child. I have been told it’s unfair to deny Sean a
sibling. I have been told only children are awful children. I have been told
the second one is easier than the first. I am still pestered all the time,
“Isn’t it about time you had another baby, Katie?”
Before I was scared to tell them the
truth. That having a child made me crazy (or crazier than I was before). That
the idea of a newborn in the house fills me with such dread I physically feel
sick. That I couldn’t emotionally handle another child. I didn’t want to tell
them these things because they judge and cluck their tongues at me like
something is wrong with me. For a long time, this made me feel like a terrible
mom or less of a woman.
Now I just tell them, “Nope! One and
DONE!”

Are you a Mama with  a story to tell?  
Send in your submission to joanna.haughton{at}hotmail{dot}com. 

Random Sundays: “Wow!”

I won a Ruche twitter contest recently and my prize arrived in the mail.  I opened it at the breakfast table and of course, my nosy little monkey was very curious and eager to see what was inside as well.  When I took out these bright red earmuffs she said, “Wow!” One of the few words she can say very well along with ‘Gone!’ ‘Cakie’ *cookie* ‘Uh-oh’ and ‘Mama!’  *Those are definitely her favorite words right now* Shortly after this excited and breathless “wow!” my earmuffs were ‘Gone!’  They were no longer my property.  I had no claim of ownership to them. 

And just in case I had any doubts, trying to take them off elicited a
very loud and angry scream.  So Ruche, you’ve just got yourself another
customer.  A very demanding one, but a very cute one, if I do say so
myself.

Saturday Smiles: Growth

 

Top – Trove; Pants – Le Chateau; Necklace – Lulus; Boots – Locale; Bag – hand me down.

Okay, time for another Saturday Smiles.  These are going to be challenges for me, because to be perfectly frank I’m a realist verging on the pessimist.  That means the glass is either half empty, or it’s just there regardless of your interpretation.  But in the spirit of change, and in the desire to have a more positive vibe around me I’m going to do this all year in the hopes that every time it’ll be easier and easier to find 3-5 things I’m thankful for or that made me smile.  And who knows, maybe soon I’ll have trouble keeping it down to ten!   Here it is, Saturday Smiles.

  1. Hope and change – without which I would be forever stagnant. 
  2. This skirt – the bow just made me grin!
  3. Chocolate – honestly, I think I may have to ban this one from the list soon…it’s kind of a given.
  4. My treadmill – running keeps me sane!
  5. Katie’s comment on my Funny Face post where she says I’ve been reminding her of Audrey Hepburn.
True Story:
Standing in the tub, Baby tries to find her belly button.   
She leans so far forward she face plants straight into the tub of water.  
Cue shocked baby face, “Uh-oh!”

*link yours up*

Toddler Gym 2000

Dress – ASOS; Belt & Earrings – F21; Boots – boutique in Roma.

Husband away?  No one there to cover you for your regular solo workout?  Well fret no more!  The Toddler Gym 2000 is here!  It’s fast. It’s easy. And it’s loads of fun!  *actually it’s neither fast nor easy, just the last one*  Core work is done in a flash with a toddler on your back as you hold the plank for three minutes.  The added weight will make your workout super efficient, and the wiggling babe will work your muscles from a variety of angles!

Need an upper body workout?  Old pushups are tossed to the side when you have a toddler straddling your bum for that extra added bonus challenge, and once that toddler migrates to underneath you the sloppy kisses will keep you coming down then up for more!

Forget those old boring lunges and squats.  Toddler Gym 2000 lets you get double the workout while you hold your babe in your arms and bounce her up and down with the movement of your body.  Her growing weight will give you buns of steel in no time, and the added challenge of holding her and moving her up and down will tone your biceps and triceps in 20 minutes or less!  And it doubles as a toddler entertainment center – Jolly Jumper for the sophisticated babe!

Act now, and for an unlimited time the Toddler Gym 2000 comes with your very own set of laughs and giggles that not only make the time fun, but give you and your toddler an added core workout.

True Story:
*see above*

Windy And Animated

 

Skirt – c/o Emerging Thoughts; Top – hand me down; Cardi – Tulle from Ruche; Hair Bow – Ruche; Belt – F21; Tights – Hue; Boots – Locale.

Have you guys checked out Emerging Thoughts? This store has some seriously cool stuff there like this Tapestry Coat that I’m totally drooling over, or the Reality Bites Dress!  I want that dress just because it reminds me of the seminal film of my youth, you know what I’m talking about all you Ethan Hawke fans.  And for all us Canadian shoppers, they have really affordable shipping.  Bonus!

When I got this Uncle Phuncle skirt in the mail I was so excited to wear it because it has so many wonderful elements working for it.  It’s a clean simple grey color *and you know, that’s my ‘black’* it has a cute little bow, but it’s not too big, and it has a bit of a pouf but again, just the right amount.  Actually, that’s the first two things people said about – that it’s classic and poufy but just the right amount.   I have to say that I’m a big fan. My suggestion?  Hop your butts over to Emerging Thoughts and get yourself some of their sweet stuff.

Oh and what do you think of the animation?  It’s the first time I’ve used it, and it won’t become a regular feature, but for some reason it felt appropriate for the two photos used.  It was just a crazy photo taking moment with the wild wind and Baby chatting away, some movement had to be involved in this post!

True Story:
Baby has just discovered that when she closes her eyes 
and covers them with her hands she’s, “Gone! Gone!”
Don’t worry, she can come back. 
She just takes her hands off her eyes.

Mamahood Exposed: Not Baby People

Honesty about Mamahood begins today with Tricia of Mama Marchand Musings.  She’s awesome, so enjoy! Check out my post on the subject here on Mama Marchand’s Musings!


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You may have read the books {like me}, taken the childbirth classes {like me}, and thought you knew everything there was to know about nursing, sleep, schedules, and bodily functions. However, from that first moment when the doctor hands you your firstborn, your preconceptions of motherhood are blown to bits.
Honesty is hard to come by once you become a mama … at least, that’s what I’ve discovered. Why are we so set on keeping appearances? Who does it benefit? NOT the mama who is trying to hold back her tears while keeping a happy face and saying “I love every second of being a mom.” NOT the mama she’s actually talking to who is probably trying to hold back her tears (and probably a snarky comment) while thinking “she’s either lying or on medication.” NOT the mama eavesdropping on the conversation trying to hold back HER tears while thinking “am I THE ONLY MOM ALIVE who thinks this is hard?”

Being a mama is hard.
Someone told me early on that the first is the hardest because that firstborn makes you a mama. That firstborn interrupts your fancy-free married life and gives you less sleep, less money, and less time to yourself. That firstborn causes you to plan like you’ve never planned before {or live in utter chaos, if not}. That firstborn causes you more stress, more anxiety, and {sometimes} more tears than any other person in your life. 
It’s totally true. Adding the second just grows your family. The first takes your life and shakes it like a snow globe. My life was shaken when we had our daughter but I would NEVER go back and change our decision to start a family. She brings me so much joy and I never realized I had the capacity to love someone like I love my girl. 

Truthfully, we’re not BABY people but we are, most definitely, TODDLER people. Once our daughter hit the toddler stage, we were good to go. I LOVE that she can communicate with me now and my heart oozes into a puddle on the floor when she hugs me and tell me she loves me.

If you’re ready for some more honesty from this mama, stop by my blog, Mama Marchand’s Musings. It’s filled with musings about mamahood, marriage, faith, life, health, and fashion. Thanks for reading!

Are you a Mama with  a story to tell?  
Send in your submission to joanna.haughton{at}hotmail{dot}com. 
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