Mama, this is the greatest toy ever!
It’s great to be back with my little munchkin, even though she is being extra whiny and clingy lately. I think that’s my fault for disappearing on her for ten days. Hopefully, she’ll forgive me soon and trust will be reestablished.
This week I’m smiling because of:
1. This lovely girl – precocious, smarty pants, and already loving dark, bitter coffee. The screams when I try to take it away from her? Oh dear!
2. Thai take-out – the cold I’ve been keeping at bay with adrenaline has finally hit me full force leaving me wanting hot, starchy take-out. Yum!
3. My tablet – letting me read all three books of The Hunger games series in the last week and a half!
What made you smile this week?
Mamahood Exposed continues by asking the question, “What is it to be a Mama?”
Hello Moda Mama readers! I am really really excited to be guest posting on Joanna’s blog today! I work with Joanna over at RevolutionizeHer and I know in just our short time working together that she is an amazing woman, mother, and role model! I really look up to her and her passions {and fashions!} about motherhood. I feel so honored to be sharing her blog today!
I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Megan Robinson and I am a wife, mommy, random dance party-er, joker and wannabe yoga master! I blog over at {And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson} and I love it!! I have had my little bloggity-blog for a while but just recently started developing a real passion for it. I like to talk about everything from my family, marriage, my chubby boy and my every day struggles that we can all relate to.
Today, I wanted to share something that I have learned about what it means to be a mother. For a while after my son was born I started really suffering from depression. And my emotions took an even sharper turn south once I started criticizing myself about how I was {or am} as a mother. I would get even more down when I would listen to how other people seemed to define mothers and their purpose, both with people who don’t have children and other mothers themselves. Obviously we are all in different situations and have different perspectives of what being a mother entails. But I realized it was important to define what being a mother means to me.
To me, a mother isn’t just someone who has children but someone who cares for, nourishes and appreciates her children’s individually.
To me, a mother doesn’t feel obligated to spend time with and take care of her children. But has an overwhelming desire to nurture her children.
To me, a mother doesn’t just love her children, she enjoys them.
To me, a mother is someone who is there for her children not just physically but psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually.
To me, a mother doesn’t only teach her children how to learn and grow, but in in the process progresses herself and finds her own fulfillment through her children and learning how to be a mother.
To me, a mother knows who she is aside from being a mother. Being a mother doesn’t limit her but instead stretches her abilities to help her become a stronger and better woman.
Most importantly, a mother isn’t a way to define yourself. It is a way to lead you to something better.
There have been days/weeks/months where it’s really hard for me be the best mom I knew my son deserved. A lot of times I feel obligated,
I feel emotionally unstable to nurture him,
I feel like I’m just going through the motions to get through the day,
I feel unfulfilled,
I feel limited,
& some days I feel so frustrated that even though I know I love my son, I don’t take the time to fully enjoy his sweet spirit and energetic personality. Through my process of rediscovery, I have been learning that as I figure out who I am, love myself, and find what helps me feel fulfilled and accomplished, being the mother that I know I want to be and hope to be seems to fall into place. I have learned what it means to be a true mother and what I need to do to be the mother I want to be for my children. Instead of settling on being the obligated, emotional, limited one.
Thank you again for allowing me to share a personal story with you all! I really hope you all stop by and share some of your stories with me so we can all learn to be the best people we can be together!
Are you a Mama with a story to tell?
Send your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com
Earrings – c/o Scarlet Samples
Scarf – Lace Affair
Top – H&M
Jeans – Gap
Boots – Locale
I feel a sense of pathetic fallacy in terms of the weather. Like me, it can’t seem to make up it’s mind about what it wants, and what it is from day-to-day. In this respect, and though others may shun the fickle season, I relate and respect the whimsical nature of the weather we’re having. One day sunny, then balmy, cool, crisp, downright freezing, or inviting. I feel a kinship.
And yes, yes I did just talk about the weather.
Small talk at it’s finest.
True Story:
Baby keeps turning off all the lights in every room.
We spend the evening in the dark.
I suspect she might be a vampire.
How cool is that?!
Sweater – Jacob
Dress – Ruche
Belt – F21
Tights – Hue
Boots – Locale
I’m back! Yes, I’ve been away and that’s why there’s been a great silence from me on social media. I’ve been away ten days, and I came home last night to wine, chocolate, a foot massage, and some cuddle time with Andrew, and of course lots of quality time with Baby. I missed her so much! But at the same time it was wonderful to have the freedom to go out late into the night, have a little too much wine, dance like there’s no tomorrow, and just generally carry on silly. Sometimes you need a vacation from the everyday. But at the same time it’s amazing to get back to life as usual.
True Story:
Walked with Baby to a playgroup at the local school.
She walked by a young woman waiting at the bus stop.
Then turned around and said, “Bye, Bye” and waved.
Then she blew the girl a kiss. The girl blew a kiss back.
Baby laughed and continued walking…for about three feet before she turned around and repeated the whole process.
Again, and again, walking about three feet each time.
Our children can drive us crazy, but they can also be our saving grace. Here’s Megan from Absolute Mommy with her story.
There is
something to be said for first love. The
immediate ache in your heart. When you
know you will never feel this way again.
With first love you know that no matter what happens in your life, this moment, this
person, this instant was it for you.
First love, I thought I knew you.
I had no idea.
something to be said for first love. The
immediate ache in your heart. When you
know you will never feel this way again.
With first love you know that no matter what happens in your life, this moment, this
person, this instant was it for you.
First love, I thought I knew you.
I had no idea.
I fell in love
for the first time the day Caitlin was born.
She isn’t an only child, but it’s that crazy kind of first love. The
kind that makes you stay up all night just to make sure she is still breathing. Love that makes you do and say the most
ridiculous things. Things like of course
I’m breastfeeding (I wasn’t); no the night waking doesn’t bother me (smiling
and delusional through exhaustion); and my favorite, of course she sleeps
through the night (with me in the same bed of course). The kind of love that makes you go to three
different stores in a panic to find the last Buzz Lightyear in stock. The Buzz Lightyear that is going to make or
break this birthday, which is tomorrow, and you still have 2 dozen cupcakes to
bake. That crazy first love that makes
you forget you had a life before. The
kind of love that changes you without your permission.
Four years ago I
became Mom, Mommy, or WAHHHH, I answer to all three. I was caught between scared out of my mind
and utterly happy. Labor hadn’t killed
me, so the rest had to be smooth sailing.
I was ready to tackle this thing called motherhood. That natural instinct that is in every woman
who becomes a mom. I had read the books. I took the childbirth class, and even
properly diapered a doll. I had bought
the most expensive breast pump on the market, just in case. I was ready for that little bloody bundle of
joy to be dropped onto my chest… and there she was. My first love, screaming at the top of her
lungs and mad at the world. It was just
the beginning.
Caitlin and I
did not enjoy blissful days of early motherhood. I wanted everything to be perfect. I tried in vain to breastfeed, over and over
again, until I tearfully gave her a bottle.
I started pumping because that’s what “good and loving”
mothers do, and hated it and resented it every time. The less Caitlin slept, the less I slept,
until it was just one continuous day after another. I think I held her in my arms for 36 hours
straight, because every attempt to lay her down was met with blood curdling
screams. I was a crazy lady in stained
sweats and dirty hair. All because I
just wanted to be good. I just wanted
her to love me back. I just wanted her
to know that I was in this for the long haul, better or worse, tired or
delusional.
For months I
struggled to make sense of my failing attempt at motherhood. I loved her, I was giving my 110%, and still
I felt like I was just subpar. I drove
myself crazy with trying to be the ‘best’ instead of just focusing on doing my
best. Through it all, Caitlin could have
given a flying fig newton! She wanted to
be in my arms. She just wanted me to
give her a bottle. She wanted to see my
face as she screamed at 2 am. She just
wanted me, very much in the same way, I just wanted her. For better or worse
How odd that I
didn’t recognize unconditional love. I
know unconditional love. You don’t grow
up an only child and feel unloved.
However they were my parents.
They had the same infatuation and instant love that I now had for
Caitlin. My husband loves me, and I
believe unconditionally. My husband
however had a choice. He chose me. Caitlin had no choice. She didn’t get to pick whose uterus seemed
inhabitable. If so she could have picked
J-Lo or Ann Coulter. So by the luck of
the draw, she picked me, and somehow she loved me regardless.
The hardest year
of my life also turned out to be the best year of my life. It was the journey and the lesson. Caitlin was a lesson in love. Her love validated me as a mother. I had spent a year hating everything I did, focusing
on every failure, but Caitlin’s love was constant. Caitlin still loved me even though I could
not breastfeed. She loved me when I
couldn’t take the cry it out sleep method.
She loved me even when I no longer believed in or loved myself. It didn’t matter to her whether I was wearing
make-up or had taken a shower. I was her
mother, and as long as I held her and fed her, and smiled at her, she loved me. I had read an article once that said
consistency was the key to great parenting.
For Caitlin and I our only constant that first year was love.
Caitlin’s love
changed me. It made me realize that no
matter my faults, I’m still deserving of love.
I still deserved to be happy and enjoy motherhood. Caitlin became my reason to smile, to try
harder, to love better. No longer the
self centered only child, I was now her mother.
I’m sure I will always be her selfless to a fault, over reactive, still
sometimes negative mother. She started
to sleep longer and more peacefully. I
put the breast pump in the back of the closet.
I’ve decided that being perfect isn’t as important as being happy. So what? I’m not perfect, she doesn’t expect me to
be. Her love is, as it was from the
beginning, constant and unwavering. It’s
through her love that I rediscovered myself, and the mother I’m supposed to
be. A mother that can relax if we are
eating cereal for dinner. A mom that can
ignore the Oreo cookie stains. A mommy
who giggles when she’s covered in popsicles kisses.
Caitlin’s
lessons in love continue. Now it’s a
juggle of the “Mommy would you play with me”, and the dishes piled in
the sink. It’s convincing a four year
old that no matter how quickly Mommy loses her temper, it’s really not her
fault. It’s the tears in my eyes when
she tells me “Mommy I’m sorry you yelled at me, I love you”. Yes, she does apologize to me when I lose it
from time to time. It’s just another
lesson in love, and I’m humbled to be her student.
Are you a Mama with a story to tell?
Email your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com
Sweater – made by my Babcia
Dress – Ruche
Tights – F21
Shoes – Payless
I love cozy days where you just spend the day wrapped up in warmth and comfort. On days like that I usually find myself missing my Babcia and reach for one of the sweaters she made for me on her last visit to Canada. When I wear these I feel a little closer to familial comfort and the ocean between us feels just a touch smaller. That’s what I’m thankful for today – family. I can’t wait to see mine tomorrow morning!
 |
| View from the Gym. |
This week I’ve been away from my family working at the Auto Show for Subaru. I have to say the days are long and my body is tired, but it’s been the exact thing I’ve been needing. It’s given me a chance to be Joanna, not ‘Mama’ consistently for a few days straight and, even though the work is hard, it’s so wonderful to have that freedom to not be ‘Mama’ for a while. It’s mentally refreshing. Adding to this great refresh is the knowledge that I’m making a wonderful income and that for a while at least I’m definitely the main bread winner and the one supporting my family. Yes, I have missed my baby, and I’m missing her so much I’m watching videos of her on my computer just to her great personality. I really needed this break and recharge from being ‘mama.’
I’ve also got a chance to go out with my co-workers in the evening and get a bit silly, and to be honest this is so much fun and it’s so freeing to be able to do that.
But I also realized just how much I need me time and quiet time. Between working and talking to people all day and sharing a hotel room, I’m not getting any solo time. So one night, after going out, I went by myself to the one place I knew would be totally deserted late at night – the hotel gym. I just sat there in that darkened room looking out the window and got to be alone with my thoughts with no one around. I got to sit in my mind and just be in the stillness of a room that had been devoid of people for hours. There was a pure peacefulness about it. And that ten minutes of sitting there was the exact thing I was needing. It was a zen moment of peace, stillness and reflection.
This whole week I’m smiling.
So far you’ve heard from a lot of fabulous Mamas, and there are more on the way. Thank you so very much for your honesty! This series started with a post swap with Mama Marchand’s Musings. In case you didn’t get around to reading it over there, here it is for you.
You’re pregnant. You have the nursery all set. The cute little onesies in a drawer ready to go. The images of nuzzling your baby in your arms, and craddling your toddler while singing lullabys in a dreamy, misty glamour glow haze fill your head.
“Noooooooo! Stop pulling the dog’s tail again.” You rush in to save the poor 10lb furry creature looking at you in desperation from the clutches of peanut butter covered little fingers. You twist, pin, flip, and otherwise wrestle a wriggling 17 month old into a clean diaper only to realize that she somehow got poop on her sock in the process. After getting the pants on, the dirty diaper put safely away in the compost, and a fresh pair of socks on her, then you realize you’re still in your PJs – not by choice, just lack of time – and that this only clean pair now also sports a fresh poop stain. Oh, and did I mention you haven’t eaten, had only two sips of your coffee, and visited the bathroom with an audience because it’s easier than the alternative (a screaming one year old)?
Welcome to Motherhood.
I knew it would be hard. There’s a reason they say it’s the hardest job on the planet. But I didn’t expect how much of myself I would have to put aside. I had to put away my desires and wants from moment to moment and instead become accommodating to the needs of another human being. If I wanted to read, watch tv, sleep, or shower it didn’t matter. What mattered was that she needed to be played with, held, burped, changed, fed, etc. etc. And it’s not like she asks for it, she demands it. It’s an expectation, a fact, without thanks. She doesn’t turn to me and say, “Thank you Mama for putting aside showering and desperately needed sleep to get me dressed, changed and fed.” She just goes about her day like it’s expected. And that was not what I expected.
There were moments, especially in those early months, where even though I loved her totally and wholly, I resented her. I resented her for the demands she made on me, the sleep deprivation, and the difficulty of taking care of her. It’s normal. You’re whole life changes, and the life you had up until then is gone. I think there’s a natural grieving process, and acceptance and understanding of yourself in this new role. At least that’s the way it was for me.
I also didn’t expect the amazement of watching her grow and learn and discover. I didn’t expect how satisfied I would be sitting on the couch and cradling her while I stroke her hair. I didn’t expect the joy I would feel at her pleasure. I didn’t expect the patience of watching endless episodes of Sesame Street. I certainly didn’t expect how entertaining and magical it would be to just look at her every single day.
Motherhood, it’s not at all what I expected.
Are you a Mama with a story to tell?
Email your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com.
Top – Ruche
Blazer – F21
Jeans – Gap
Boots – Feet First
Necklace – c/o Scarlet Samples
I love that this blazer has such wonderful feminine lace detail. It allows me to be classy and professional without relinquishing my frilly, feminine side. It makes me think of how I want to be a woman: fully embracing my femininity while still being confident and strong. It’s so wonderful when fashion can influence our attitude and put a boost in our self-assurance.
And on a side note, I’m so extremely pleased with this necklace I received a few weeks ago. It works with so many outfits and has such an easy, natural beauty about it. But here’s the best part, they sent me two! One for me, and one for one of my lucky readers…yup, I’ve got a giveaway coming up real soon!
True Story:
Took Baby for a walk with Drake the Dog.
Drake squatted to poo.
Baby looked at him, squatted and grunted pretending to poo.
Yeah, I think I’m still laughing.
