Man o’ Bear

Dress & Boots – Threadsence
Belt, Socks, Necklace & Hat – F21
I’m a bit obsessed with the show Man vs Wild right now, and this week I’m grieving the loss of Bear Grylls as the shows lead.  Contract negotiations caused Discovery and Bear to go their separate way and I’m really sad because to me, he totally made the show.  But on a bright note, I still have several seasons of Bear to watch on Netflix.  Also, recently Andrew has gotten into it as well.  I think it’s because I may have said something about Bear being my current crush…maybe.
Quote of Today:
“Smack Mommy’s bum bum!”

Some Kind Of Wonderful

Blazer – UO
Top – Ruche
Pants – Jacob
Shoes – Payless

There’s nothing I haven’t told Andrew about.  No deed, no word, no act.  Whether good or bad, he knows it all.  Whether he wants to or not. And still he’s married to me.  That’s some kind of wonderful. 
 
Ok, that’s a lie.  
I didn’t tell him about the $9 shirt I bought on sale at H&M last week. 

 Quote of Today:
“I’ve got a poop waiting for you!”

 

Tuesday In Review: Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment

I first stumbled across Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment last summer while bumming around Manhattan.  On a whim I bought one package because the sheer color and SPF15 caught my attention.  Since then it has become my absolute favorite lip gloss brand.

It’s deeply moisturizing and nourishing, but I especially love that it adds a touch of color to your lips as well.  Most days I don’t have the time to apply, much less re-apply, lipstick, but I also don’t want to go bare lipped.  I enjoy feeling a little bit special.  That’s where this is just so great.  It adds that little touch of color without me having to worry about applying it and dealing with getting everything right in a mirror.

I particularly like that it has SPF, because I’m a sun-phobic.  I slather on sunscreen even in winter, and I use make-up with sunscreen too, so it’s only natural that I would have a lip gloss that also had sunscreen in it.  Those lips need protection too!  Plus, it lasts forever!  I bought one tube and I’m just now finishing it – almost a year later.

I’m cheap, I’ll admit it, and usually there’s no way I’d shell out over $20 for a lip gloss.  But I will for this lip gloss because it’s just that luxurious and that long lasting.  I definitely consider this money well spent.  I think I might even go out and grab two – in two different shades.  How decadent!

Dare I Hope For Soon?

Dress – Ruche
Sweater – made by my Babcia
The warm front we had for a few days made it seem like the fresh joy of Spring was just around the corner.  Now it’s freezing outside again.  So cold, that neither man nor beast dares to venture out of doors.  I long for the days when I pull out my sunhat and sunglasses and leave the toque and scarf abandoned in the far corner of the closet.  So I look wistfully outside my windows and wonder, “Maybe soon?”
Dare I hope?
True Story:
Drake the Dog reached for baby’s food.  
She frowned, looked at him and said, “No, no, no” while wagging her finger.  
It’s funny to see yourself reflected in your toddler’s eyes.

Random Sundays: My Name Is Drake, And I’ve Got A Beef!

Before…

I’ve got a beef with my owner – Joanna!  I was totally rockin’ the long, mangy, just-rolled-out-bed, too-cool-to-care look that I’ve been meticulously working on all winter.  It took me three months to get that not-do-a-thing look to it!  Then what does she do?  She up and takes me to the salon!  The salon!  I’m a cool guy, I don’t go to the salon.  

Wait, it gets worse.

Through a miscommunication with the groomer I came out looking like this:

They shaved me and gave me that long face and puffy tail look.  That’s so not me.  I’m a scrapper, a rogue, a trot to my own drum kind of guy…I’m not a pretty boy.  At least Joanna agreed with that because when we got home she trimmed my face and cut down my tail.  Made me look more of a man!

To add insult to injury, for this morning’s walk she made me put on this stupid looking coat just because it was cold. 

 Come on! I can take it, I’m a tough guy remember?  I don’t need accessories, just the wind in my hair and the sun on my back. *okay, well it was so cold I would’ve frozen my you-know-what off…if I still had them of course…but that’s a rant for another day* So to show her how uncool she made me look, I walked behind them the entire way pouting, trying to shake off the darn thing every two minutes or so.  I didn’t run, pull, jump, or yank on the leash once!  That’ll show her!

I tell ya, it’s tough being a dog.  Sheesh…

Saturday Smiles: Fetchingly Positive

This week has been a struggle to stay positive with the cold, the lack of sleep, loud neighbors breaking both of our rest, etc etc.  But that does not mean that it has been devoid of joy.  So on that note, here’s this weeks smiles.

1. The random choice and order of letters that had Baby spelling ‘fetch’ one morning. 
2. The bright and warm day on Wednesday when we spent a large portion of the day out and about in the outdoors.
3. The game of civilization that some friends and I played.  So good!
4. The port that has kept me company two of the evenings that Andrew has been away on his business trip.

Great Day!

Jacket – Smart Set
Shirt – H&M
Scarf – Lace Affair
Jeans – Gap
Shoes – Payless
Sunglasses – thrifted

There was a large heat wave one of the days this week, and Baby and I decided to take advantage of it by having a fantastic day together.  We walked to school for kids group, ran around the gymnasium, then after her nap headed out for the entire afternoon getting some things done, but also and more importantly, spending about an hour at a playground having a ball.  But even that hour was not enough for her because when I told her it was time to leave she started crying and fighting with me.  I knew it was time though, when the fight didn’t last long at all and the thumb was in the mouth within seconds.  She was tired.  She was so knackered after our day I had to put her to bed early so she would have time to relax and wind down in the dark silence of her room.  During this interlude, Mommy enjoyed some of her delicious port.  Boy, did we have a great day! 

True Story:
Baby has no idea how to drink with a straw.  She made me open my unsweetened fruit iced tea so that she could drink it.  Then she thought the straw was a toy that came with the drink.  *sigh*

Key To A Large And Lasting Wardrobe

Sweater  – Esprit
Dress – Ruche
Necklace – Mama Nest Designs
Tights – Hue
Boots – Locale 

Some friends over the years have remarked about the large closet of clothes I own, and they’re right I do own a lot.  But here’s the secret to the *as a friend once put it* ‘most extensive wardrobe I’ve ever seen’ : meticulous care, flexibility, and patience.

I have clothes I got in high school still hanging in my closet and they’re still in good condition because I care for my pieces.  I take care to follow the instructions on the label and make sure that everything is treated well so that it lasts.  What I mean by meticulous care is following the washing, ironing, and hanging instructions so as to prolong the life of the article.  That doesn’t mean I treat my clothes like museum pieces.  I’ll wear my
pretty dresses in the park with Baby and don’t care if they get muddied
and dirty.  After all, it’s about looking good while you live your life.

Also, I never say no.  When someone offers a hand me down bag of clothes, or my mom spring/winter cleans her closet I never turn it down.  Chances are I’ll find one or two pieces in there that I can work into my wardrobe in an unique way.

Finally, patience.  I like to shop and purchase fun pieces, but I don’t have a huge budget nor do I like to spend a lot on clothes.  So I’ll wait.  I’ll save my birthday and X-mas money for months and months, sometimes I have gift certificates from the season before still in my wallet when the next holiday rolls around.  If I see a dress, top, or skirt I really like I won’t buy it.  I’ll wait.  I’ll wait for a discount code, or a sale, or something else of that nature.  If I miss it and it sells out, no worries, there will be something else just as pretty soon enough…and it just might be 50% off.  Basically, don’t get attached to a piece then you won’t ‘have to have’ it, and two months from now it may be on sale.

Just one last note, don’t be afraid to return.  If it doesn’t work, fit or for some reason you doubt it.  Return it.  No harm, no foul.  That’s what those policies are for.

p.s. I love that the sock bun is making a resurgence.  I’ve been doing this
for years now, but lately it seems every blogger is talking about it. 
So yay! I’m so glad that foot wear in your hair is becoming mainstream.
The best part is the curls it leaves you with afterwards.  Just like the
ones you see in the pictures.

True Story:
Baby stood on the edge of the toilet even though I told her not to.  
She fell right in.  Soaked to the waist. 
She started crying, clearly traumatized. 
I stripped her, changed her, and held her…while giggling to myself just a wee bit. 
Another bad mother moment.

Mamahood Exposed: Strength Given

Starting this series has been a wonderful adventure.  I have had the privilege and the honor to read and share some of the best stories from all kinds of Mamas.  Here’s one recent submission from Christina that completely gripped me.

6lbs
and 9oz. lookin’ up at me
Like
I have all the answers
I
hope I have the ones you need
I’ve
never really done this,
Now
I know what scared is
The
moment she was placed in my arms I knew I had a fighter on my hands.
My entire pregnancy with her had been difficult, emotionally and
physically. Even during her delivery I knew she would be stubborn. It
was hours of painful labor, hours of not knowing if she was safe. She
was so drastically different from her brother. Brandon was such an
easy and quick birth. Even afterwards he slept peacefully.
She
didn’t. She was constantly alert, constantly investigating and
constantly testing me. Her will was as strong as mine…even as a
baby. I knew I had met my match. At the same time, there was such a
deep innocence, such a deep need. She has always been my rock; it’s
hard to understand that while she has been my constant little thing,
I’ve been her’s as well. She sees not my faults, but my strengths.
She relies on me for everything; for faith, trust and love and to
show her to her path in life. And for someone still stumbling on her
own path, knowing that I am going to be the one giving her the
answers she seeks…is frightening beyond comprehension.

Sometimes
I’ll protect you from everything that’s wrong
Other
times I’ll let you just find out on your own
But
that’s when you’ll be growin’,
And
the whole time I’ll be knowin
You’re
gonna fly with every dream you chase
You’re
gonna cry, but know that that’s okay
Sometimes
life’s not fair, but if you hang in there
You’re
gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We
just have to believe things work out like they should
Life
has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You’re
gonna be
I
never truly realized how much of a gamble motherhood can be. And I
never realized the chances my mother took with me. How did she know
when to let me make my own mistakes and when to save me from myself?
Did she do right? Did she do wrong? The only one that can answer that
is myself. How I chose to learn from those mistakes and how I grew
from them is the only way to answer her sacrifices and her decisions.
Knowing the lessons I had to learn through pain and self destruction,
did she save me from something worse? What will I save Sami from?
When do I let her fly, and when do I let her fall? I hope she can
learn from my sins and my mistakes. I hope she never has to
experience the pain I experienced. Yet I hope she does have some
pain, because in that trial of fire she will be reborn within
herself. Her soul will be tempered and herself worth will be proven.
But letting go, knowing that I will have to let her heart be broken,
I will have to let her feel that she is the only one to make
decisions…is one of the most painful steps I will ever take as a
mother.
She
has a game she loves to play. I will be sitting here in the desk
chair doing various things, and she will be sitting quietly on my bed
coloring or playing with her dolls. All of a sudden, without much of
a warning aside from that mischievous grin that plays across her face
and that excited glint in her eyes, she will throw herself through
the air towards me. And in her heart, in her mind she knows my arms
will always be there to catch her, to save her from a fall and from
pain, to pull her to my heart where she will wrap her arms around me,
press her cheek against my heart sigh and say “I love you Mommy”.
It is trust as it’s most basic. It is love and blind faith in my
ability to foresee her needs and to be strong enough to catch her in
her free fall. In ten years, will I still be there to capture her?
Will she one day have to miss my arms to learn to fly with her own
wings?

I’m
afraid you’ll have to suffer through
some
of my mistakes
Lord
knows I’ll be trying to give you what it takes
What
it takes to know the difference
Between
getting by and livin’
Cause
anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just
know you’ll have to live with all
the
choices that you make
So
make sure you’re always givin’ way
more
than you’re takin’
We
rarely think at the age of sixteen or even twenty, how our actions
will affect others. Let alone how it will affect the future and our
unborn children.  I never realized that my decision to place
Matthew for adoption would affect me as greatly as it has and those
around me. What will I say when Sami asks why I gave up her brother? 
How can I admit to my own child that at the time, I was not capable
of being the mother he deserved? Will she question if I was ready
when she came along? Throughout all of the tumult of her life, will
she ask me why I didn’t give her a better chance?
I
pray so much that my past, my lessons and my mistakes will be
learning blocks for her.  When she is 16 and swept up in the
excitement of first love, will she be able to see the pain I went
through at that age because of my decisions? My own mother was a
mother in her teens; I always thought I would be better than that. I
didn’t realize that it’s not better or worse. It’s how I handle
the situation. I took a different path than my mother.  And for
me, I think it was the best path.
But
now life has shifted, I’m a mother with a daughter of my own. What
kind of advice would I give her? Would I tell her of the pain I
experienced? The pain and trauma I dealt with as I held my child for
the first and last time? Or will I just have to let her fly? Let her
test her wings and fly or fall…
Something
I struggled with for years was truly experiencing life. I always felt
the only thing you could do was just get though life. It is still
something I struggle with daily. Something my therapist has tried to
drill into my thick skull, is that I’ve got to step back and enjoy
life. I try too much to juggle everything myself. Personal issues,
personal pain and personal decisions were the balls I was desperate
to keep in the air by myself. I need to learn to step back and savor
everything. What I have accomplished, what gifts I have in life. I
need to relish in the good… I need to, after 28 years…live life. 
I hate that I don’t do that as much as I really should. And I worry
what sort of message it sends to Sami. Life is too short to be
stressed out all the time.
When
she was barely a year old, I had to make one of the biggest decisions
of her young life. Do I stay in a situation where I was unhappy and
unsafe but where she was in a situation that was comfortable and normal
for her or do I shake up her entire life, change every aspect of it, for
my own sanity? Her second year of life was in upheaval. I moved us to a
new state. I left the man that gave her her last name. I would question
my choices every day. As I walked 4 miles from work  in the Texas
summer heat,  because I couldn’t afford a car, I would question..is this
what she deserves? Is this really the best thing for her? When I would
sit down after payday and look at the paltry amount of money I had to
feed and clothe her, I worried if I would be able to afford to get ahead
in life. 
But
I did. Slowly, but surely I worked hard to give her everything she
needed. And I realized that I was giving her the best gift ever. A role
model. A woman that loved herself and believed in herself enough to know
when to stand up for herself and when to fight. I chose safety and
happiness over false security. I chose to save my life in order to save
her future. 
My
push to survive was taking its toll, mentally, physically and
emotionally. I needed to be able to enjoy Sami’s youth.I needed to
relax, but learning to relax is one of the hardest lessons you will
learn in life She is the
gift I’ve struggled with accepting. It is Life’s way of telling me
to slow down and to enjoy what I have.
My
mother struggled so much during my formative years. To provide for me
and my brothers, to deal with her personal demons and to try to
create a family with so much dysfunction we were falling apart at the
seams. For so many years I blamed her. For my pain and my anger…and
while she was not innocent of all crimes…A lot of the stress, was
because I was already struggling so much with enjoying life. I was
struggling with accepting someone’s love. Looking back I realize
that she truly did love me in her own way. I was just too stubborn
and too confused to understand and accept it and she was too lost to
show it in the healthiest way. Sami deserves better than that, I have to remember to give her that.
What
am I giving Sami? Can I be that loving, easy-going, laid back mother
I always wanted growing up? Or will I let my frustration, anger and
stress and feelings of inadequacies win over?

You’re
gonna Be.
Someone’s
everything
You’re
gonna see
Just
what you are to me
You’re
gonna fly with every dream you chase
We
just have to believe things work out like they should
Life
has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You’re
gonna be
Always
loved by me
I’ve
got to show her what she truly is to me. I always struggled with
knowing if my parents loved me or not. Not because they never said
it…not because they were neglectful, but because for some
reason…I could never truly accept that someone could love me.
Because it was so easy to let their anger and pain hit me to the
core.   I want better than that with her. I want her to feel
loved and supported in everything. I want her to be able to chase and
have dreams. And to know that I will always be there for her. 
Life
shows itself in the oddest places.  A friendly neighbor who
watches out for you; a friend that calls out of the blue or a card on
a day where everything seems to be falling apart are all signs we
tend to overlook. She is more than a child to me. She is more than a
point of frustration. She is a sign from Life that I am capable of
giving her everything. She is a gift to show me the true blessings in
life….and she is my greatest test. And for all of that…I will
forever be in debt to her. I just hope I can pay her back for a
portion of the strength she has given to me, and the lessons she has
taught me.

I Need To Get This Out Of My System

Sweater – thrifted
Skirt – Ruche
Leaf Necklace & Earrings – Ruche
Scarf – Le Chateau
Tights, Chain Necklace, & Socks – F21
Boots – Locale
Okay so pardon me while I dwell on something that isn’t really all that important.

See this skirt?  It arrived that morning and I immediately wore it even though it was wrinkled.  I was totally in love with it.  Then later that night I was steaming it and suddenly about halfway through the steaming process it melted a 5 inch hole right into it!  I was so completely bummed, I didn’t know what to do with myself!  I double checked the tag and it said nothing about iron low or anything like that – just hand wash cold, lay flat to dry’ – and I don’t have the fabric expertise to know how an item should be treated just by looking at it.  I’m just a dumb bum who screwed up. So that’s the story of how I have lost my new favorite skirt on the very first day I got it.  Yup, I’m really sad.

So if you get it, or you’ve got it, learn from me.  Iron or steam on super low with a cloth between the iron and the fabric.  Wish I’d known that before.

*yes, I know there are real problems in the world, even in my life, so I do realize how self-indulgent this being bummed about a skirt is. Hence the first line disclaimer.   That’s why I’m writing this post, getting it out of my system and moving on…or trying to*

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