Fickle Fallacy

Earrings - c/o Scarlet Samples

Scarf - Lace Affair

Top - H&M

Jeans - Gap

Boots - Locale

I feel a sense of pathetic fallacy in terms of the weather.  Like me, it can't seem to make up it's mind about what it wants, and what it is from day-to-day.  In this respect, and though others may shun the fickle season, I relate and respect the whimsical nature of the weather we're having.  One day sunny, then balmy, cool, crisp, downright freezing, or inviting.  I feel a kinship.

And yes, yes I did just talk about the weather.  

Small talk at it's finest. 

True Story:

Baby keeps turning off all the lights in every room.  

We spend the evening in the dark. 

I suspect she might be a vampire. 

How cool is that?!

Resuming Life

Sweater - Jacob

Dress - Ruche *similar*

Belt - F21

Tights - Hue

Boots - Locale

I'm back!  Yes, I've been away and that's why there's been a great silence from me on social media.  I've been away ten days, and I came home last night to wine, chocolate, a foot massage, and some cuddle time with Andrew, and of course lots of quality time with Baby.  I missed her so much!  But at the same time it was wonderful to have the freedom to go out late into the night, have a little too much wine, dance like there's no tomorrow, and just generally carry on silly.  Sometimes you need a vacation from the everyday.  But at the same time it's amazing to get back to life as usual.

True Story:

Walked with Baby to a playgroup at the local school.  

She walked by a young woman waiting at the bus stop.  

Then turned around and said, "Bye, Bye" and waved.  

Then she blew the girl a kiss.  The girl blew a kiss back.  

Baby laughed and continued walking...for about three feet before she turned around and repeated the whole process. 

Again, and again, walking about three feet each time. 

Mamahood Exposed: Lessons In Love

Our children can drive us crazy, but they can also be our saving grace. Here's Megan from Absolute Mommy with her story.

There is something to be said for first love.  The immediate ache in your heart.  When you know you will never feel this way again.  With first love you know that no matter  what happens in your life, this moment, this person, this instant was it for you.  First love, I thought I knew you.  I had no idea.

I fell in love for the first time the day Caitlin was born.  She isn't an only child, but it's that crazy kind of first love. The kind that makes you stay up all night just to make sure she is still breathing.  Love that makes you do and say the most ridiculous things.  Things like of course I'm breastfeeding (I wasn't); no the night waking doesn't bother me (smiling and delusional through exhaustion); and my favorite, of course she sleeps through the night (with me in the same bed of course).  The kind of love that makes you go to three different stores in a panic to find the last Buzz Lightyear in stock.  The Buzz Lightyear that is going to make or break this birthday, which is tomorrow, and you still have 2 dozen cupcakes to bake.  That crazy first love that makes you forget you had a life before.   The kind of love that changes you without your permission.

Four years ago I became Mom, Mommy, or WAHHHH, I answer to all three.  I was caught between scared out of my mind and utterly happy.  Labor hadn't killed me, so the rest had to be smooth sailing.  I was ready to tackle this thing called motherhood.  That natural instinct that is in every woman who becomes a mom.  I had read the books.  I took the childbirth class, and even properly diapered a doll.  I had bought the most expensive breast pump on the market, just in case.  I was ready for that little bloody bundle of joy to be dropped onto my chest... and there she was.  My first love, screaming at the top of her lungs and mad at the world.  It was just the beginning.

Caitlin and I did not enjoy blissful days of early motherhood.  I wanted everything to be perfect.  I tried in vain to breastfeed, over and over again, until I tearfully gave her a bottle.  I started pumping because that's what "good and loving" mothers do, and hated it and resented it every time.  The less Caitlin slept, the less I slept, until it was just one continuous day after another.  I think I held her in my arms for 36 hours straight, because every attempt to lay her down was met with blood curdling screams.  I was a crazy lady in stained sweats and dirty hair.  All because I just wanted to be good.  I just wanted her to love me back.  I just wanted her to know that I was in this for the long haul, better or worse, tired or delusional. 

For months I struggled to make sense of my failing attempt at motherhood.  I loved her, I was giving my 110%, and still I felt like I was just subpar.  I drove myself crazy with trying to be the 'best' instead of just focusing on doing my best.  Through it all, Caitlin could have given a flying fig newton!  She wanted to be in my arms.  She just wanted me to give her a bottle.  She wanted to see my face as she screamed at 2 am.  She just wanted me, very much in the same way, I just wanted her.  For better or worse

How odd that I didn't recognize unconditional love.  I know unconditional love.  You don't grow up an only child and feel unloved.  However they were my parents.  They had the same infatuation and instant love that I now had for Caitlin.  My husband loves me, and I believe unconditionally.  My husband however had a choice.  He chose me.  Caitlin had no choice.  She didn't get to pick whose uterus seemed inhabitable.  If so she could have picked J-Lo or Ann Coulter.  So by the luck of the draw, she picked me, and somehow she loved me regardless.  

The hardest year of my life also turned out to be the best year of my life.  It was the journey and the lesson.  Caitlin was a lesson in love.  Her love validated me as a mother.  I had spent a year hating everything I did, focusing on every failure, but Caitlin's love was constant.  Caitlin still loved me even though I could not breastfeed.  She loved me when I couldn't take the cry it out sleep method.  She loved me even when I no longer believed in or loved myself.  It didn't matter to her whether I was wearing make-up or had taken a shower.  I was her mother, and as long as I held her and fed her, and smiled at her, she loved me.  I had read an article once that said consistency was the key to great parenting.  For Caitlin and I our only constant that first year was love.

Caitlin's love changed me.  It made me realize that no matter my faults, I'm still deserving of love.  I still deserved to be happy and enjoy motherhood.  Caitlin became my reason to smile, to try harder, to love better.  No longer the self centered only child, I was now her mother.  I'm sure I will always be her selfless to a fault, over reactive, still sometimes negative mother.  She started to sleep longer and more peacefully.  I put the breast pump in the back of the closet.  I've decided that being perfect isn't as important as being happy.  So what?   I'm not perfect, she doesn't expect me to be.  Her love is, as it was from the beginning, constant and unwavering.  It's through her love that I rediscovered myself, and the mother I'm supposed to be.  A mother that can relax if we are eating cereal for dinner.  A mom that can ignore the Oreo cookie stains.  A mommy who giggles when she's covered in popsicles kisses.

Caitlin's lessons in love continue.  Now it's a juggle of the "Mommy would you play with me", and the dishes piled in the sink.  It's convincing a four year old that no matter how quickly Mommy loses her temper, it's really not her fault.  It's the tears in my eyes when she tells me "Mommy I'm sorry you yelled at me, I love you".  Yes, she does apologize to me when I lose it from time to time.  It's just another lesson in love, and I'm humbled to be her student.

Are you a Mama with a story to tell?
Email your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com


p.s. don't forget about the giveaway! 

A Little Bit Closer

Sweater - made by my Babcia

Dress - Ruche

Tights - F21

Shoes - Payless

I love cozy days where you just spend the day wrapped up in warmth and comfort.  On days like that I usually find myself missing my Babcia and reach for one of the sweaters she made for me on her last visit to Canada.  When I wear these I feel a little closer to familial comfort and the ocean between us feels just a touch smaller.  That's what I'm thankful for today - family.  I can't wait to see mine tomorrow morning!

Saturday Smiles: The Whole Week.

View from the Gym.

This week I've been away from my family working at the Auto Show for Subaru.  I have to say the days are long and my body is tired, but it's been the exact thing I've been needing.  It's given me a chance to be Joanna, not 'Mama' consistently for a few days straight and, even though the work is hard, it's so wonderful to have that freedom to not be 'Mama' for a while.  It's mentally refreshing.  Adding to this great refresh is the knowledge that I'm making a wonderful income and that for a while at least I'm definitely the main bread winner and the one supporting my family.  Yes, I have missed my baby, and I'm missing her so much I'm watching videos of her on my computer just to her great personality.  I really needed this break and recharge from being 'mama.' 

I've also got a chance to go out with my co-workers in the evening and get a bit silly, and to be honest this is so much fun and it's so freeing to be able to do that. 

But I also realized just how much I need me time and quiet time.  Between working and talking to people all day and sharing a hotel room, I'm not getting any solo time. So one night, after going out, I went by myself to the one place I knew would be totally deserted late at night - the hotel gym.  I just sat there in that darkened room looking out the window and got to be alone with my thoughts with no one around.  I got to sit in my mind and just be in the stillness of a room that had been devoid of people for hours.  There was a pure peacefulness about it.  And that ten minutes of sitting there was the exact thing I was needing.  It was a zen moment of peace, stillness and reflection. 

This whole week I'm smiling. 

Mamahood Exposed: My Two Cents

So far you've heard from a lot of fabulous Mamas, and there are more on the way.  Thank you so very much for your honesty!  This series started with a post swap with Mama Marchand's Musings.  In case you didn't get around to reading it over there, here it is for you.

You're pregnant.  You have the nursery all set.  The cute little onesies in a drawer ready to go.  The images of nuzzling your baby in your arms, and craddling your toddler while singing lullabys in a dreamy, misty glamour glow haze fill your head.

"Noooooooo!  Stop pulling the dog's tail again."  You rush in to save the poor 10lb furry creature looking at you in desperation from the clutches of peanut butter covered little fingers.  You twist, pin, flip, and otherwise wrestle a wriggling 17 month old into a clean diaper only to realize that she somehow got poop on her sock in the process.  After getting the pants on, the dirty diaper put safely away in the compost, and a fresh pair of socks on her, then you realize you're still in your PJs - not by choice, just lack of time - and that this only clean pair now also sports a fresh poop stain.  Oh, and did I mention you haven't eaten, had only two sips of your coffee, and visited the bathroom with an audience because it's easier than the alternative (a screaming one year old)?

Welcome to Motherhood.

I knew it would be hard.  There's a reason they say it's the hardest job on the planet.  But I didn't expect how much of myself I would have to put aside.  I had to put away my desires and wants from moment to moment and instead become accommodating to the needs of another human being.  If I wanted to read, watch tv, sleep, or shower it didn't matter.  What mattered was that she needed to be played with, held, burped, changed, fed, etc. etc.  And it's not like she asks for it, she demands it.  It's an expectation, a fact, without thanks.  She doesn't turn to me and say, "Thank you Mama for putting aside showering and desperately needed sleep to get me dressed, changed and fed."  She just goes about her day like it's expected.  And that was not what I expected.

There were moments, especially in those early months, where even though I loved her totally and wholly, I resented her.  I resented her for the demands she made on me, the sleep deprivation,  and the difficulty of taking care of her.  It's normal.  You're whole life changes, and the life you had up until then is gone.  I think there's a natural grieving process, and acceptance and understanding of yourself in this new role.  At least that's the way it was for me.

I also didn't expect the amazement of watching her grow and learn and discover.  I didn't expect how satisfied I would be sitting on the couch and cradling her while I stroke her hair.  I didn't expect the joy I would feel at her pleasure.  I didn't expect the patience of watching endless episodes of Sesame Street.  I certainly didn't expect how entertaining and magical it would be to just look at her every single day.

Motherhood, it's not at all what I expected.



Are you a Mama with a story to tell?  
Email your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com.

Feminine And Strong

Top - Ruche

Blazer - F21

Jeans - Gap

Boots - Feet First

Necklace - c/o Scarlet Samples

I love that this blazer has such wonderful feminine lace detail.  It allows me to be classy and professional without relinquishing my frilly, feminine side.  It makes me think of how I want to be a woman: fully embracing my femininity while still being confident and strong.   It's so wonderful when fashion can influence our attitude and put a boost in our self-assurance.  

And on a side note, I'm so extremely pleased with this necklace I received a few weeks ago.  It works with so many outfits and has such an easy, natural beauty about it.  But here's the best part, they sent me two!  One for me, and one for one of my lucky readers...yup, I've got a giveaway coming up real soon!

True Story:

Took Baby for a walk with Drake the Dog.  

Drake squatted to poo.  

Baby looked at him, squatted and grunted pretending to poo.  

Yeah, I think I'm still laughing. 

Tuesday In Review: HANA Titanium Flat Iron 1.5"

This is me using the HANA to curl my hair.

I was recently contacted by Misikko to review one of their products - the HANA Titanium 1.5" Flat Iron.  *Misikko also offers CHI Flat Irons as well, since I know that a lot of people are brand loyalists* I was nervous as I always am because I do offer honest opinions regardless of what the company may want. But Misikko wanted just that - and honest opinion.  And so I went for it!  I'm no beauty professional, but I do use a flat iron on a regular basis and therefore can tell you what a normal woman who needs a good product thinks.


First off, the delivery and packaging is beautiful which is nice.  I like it when companies go the extra effort of making their products attractive to open.  The package came with a pad that you unroll and place on the counter.  It allows for the flat iron to not slip off the counter and for the counter to be protected from any heat.  I had honestly never thought about it, and so I was pleasantly surprised to see how effective this was and how I didn't have to be as careful when placing the flat iron down.  But honestly, I used this little pad for the first few days only.  As a busy Mama, I just don't even have the time or energy to do that little extra step.  So I went back to using just the iron on my counter.

The nice thing is that I really don't think it's a problem.  You see, when I first turned it on and it heated up I was skeptical because it just didn't feel as hot as my other one on the same setting.  There wasn't the same amount of heat emanating from it - at least that's what it felt like.  But once I started running it through my hair that didn't matter.  It did a great job of straightening my hair despite what I thought wasn't the same amount of heat.  In the end, I think that's better because if it's doing just as good a job with less heat *if that really is the case that there's less heat* then it's less damaging to my hair.  So, bonus!

I think it's great for straightening.  The fact that it's a bit wider seemed to also do a better job at straightening things out.  The curls it made *now granted, I'm not very good at this part* were softer than my narrower one, but I kind of liked that soft gentle wave look.

Overall, this is a busy mama's product. It heats up really fast *really fast*, it does a great job just once through without you having to pull it through the hair multiple times, it doesn't pull hair *yes, I've had that problem with my other ones*,  and it's durable *I have dropped it on several occasions already when I'm rushing or looking after my Baby at the same time*. 

Mamahood Exposed: It's a Marathon Not A Sprint

Sometimes we forget that Mamahood is for the long haul and that in order to finish at the end we have to figure out ways to take breaks.  Here's Esther's story. 

Hi there! I am Esther from Lovingly Thrown Together where I blog about my life with two incredibly handsome dudes, recipes, crafts, and some real-life mama stuff. 

I am so happy to be here for this Motherhood Exposed series.

When Joanna first asked me to contribute to the series, 

I wrote this feel-good post about how angelic my son looks 

when I hold him in the middle of the night if he wakes up scared or sick.  

But in proofreading that post I realized that I was painting a picture that truly did not fit my reality. 

So I highlighted the entire thing and quickly hit delete before I could reconsider.

My journey as a mom started on September 21, 2010. 

My son Jacob was born at 11:04am and turned my world upside down (in a good way).

I have since been a stay-at-home mom and work from home part-time as a freelance writer. 

Jacob is a great kid. He’s slept well since the beginning and has always been good with transitions. He plays well and eats well.

But the truth is sometimes how good he is doesn't really matter 

and I need alone time. Sometimes I need an afternoon of coffee, computer, tv, and a book.

The problem is that when I signed up to be a mom I had to agree to die to myself in every single way. I read once that being a mom is realizing that you don’t matter anymore. 

Your child’s needs come first… all the time.

Let me tell you, 
that becomes exhausting pretty fast.

Sometimes my son is walking around with freshly washed hair, an impeccable pair of pants, 

and a spankin’ new t-shirt. Me? My uniform includes uggs, jeans, and a forgiving long-sleeve tshirt… when I am lucky enough to have gotten out of my pajamas. 

Most days he eats breakfast, snack, and lunch before I even get a sip of my coffee. 

True story.

His needs are at times overwhelming but they need tending to. Yes I scream sometimes 

(and no joke I apologize to him every single time) 

and I cry a lot 

(I don’t apologize for that because usually I feel so much better after a good sob sesh).

When I need breaks, which is pretty often, I have to remind myself to take them. 

I have another cup of coffee, I sit to watch a show, I get a babysitter so my husband 

and I can go out for date night, or we drop him off at his grandparents.

You see, my son is going to be my son forever and ever. I think I better take some breaks now 
so I can finish the race with my sanity (somewhat) intact.

Are you a Mama with a story to tell? 
Email your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com

Random Sundays: Quinoa Salad

I love a simple healthy delicious meal and that's why I like this quinoa salad.  You just make a whole bunch and keep it in the fridge for when you're feeling peckish.  And it's so simple!

Cook quinoa: 2 parts water for every 1 part quinoa - bring to boil and simmer covered until water is gone.
 Let cool. 
Then chop up a whole bunch of fresh parsley *I like to grab a huge couple of fistuls* , lots of cucumber *about half- 3/4 of a large one*, one tomatoe and one red pepper.  Mix it all in with the quinoa.  Then I pour in a crap load of good quality olive oil *tons and tons until it's well saturated but not soupy* and the juice of a lemon *or two depending on how tangy you like it*.  Yum!

I don't follow a recipe so much as put in as much as I want of each thing depending on what I want that day - more cucumber, more red pepper, etc, etc. 

Saturday Smiles: Baby's New Shoes

There's a few things that made my week this week:

1. The new tablet I got - such a wonderful gift from my husband.
2.  The 10 year old port my friends got me as a belated birthday present - so yummy!
3.  The project I'm away doing, and they put me up in a fabulous hotel for it!
4. Getting to work with Monica on another Nadia Burkoff episode:

True Story:

Do you like Baby's new shoes? *the one she's wearing on her left foot above*

She certainly does.

Mamahood Exposed: Time Off

We can do it all right? We're selfless, self-sacrificing saints who are always there and never need a break, right?  
*crickets*  
Am I right? 
*crickets*

There's a certain piece of advice for mothers that I've always had a very hard time following. It's crucial to a properly functioning household and without it, all will go berserk. As mothers we must take time for ourselves. Plain & simple, right? For me, not so much. As of late I've been in this funk. Just going through the motions and doing my best to maintain my patience with a toddler who insists more and more on asserting her independence and doing things her way. (Hmmm... I wonder where she gets that stubbornness from?) I became increasingly more and more stressed until I just broke down.

 

I was picking up toys after I tried (and failed miserably for the 4th day in a row) to put Alea down for her nap and Cory got her down in ten minutes, maybe less. I just started crying and poured my heart out and let all my frustrations out while Cory listened on with wide eyes. He replied with: "Maybe you should take next weekend off." And this is just proof how bad I needed it. I thought twice. I hesitated. It took just a little more convincing, but I agreed. Even just having some mommy-time-off to look forward to can put a little more pep in your step. I've been doing a lot better this week just knowing that some me-time is on the horizon. I just have to make it through a couple more days and I can take a deep breath and regroup. What will I be doing with this time off you ask? Staying at my mom's. Sleeping in. Uninterrupted homework and blogging time. Reading. Meeting a friend for coffee and most importantly, enjoying the peace and quiet.

 

The moral of this (somewhat pathetic) tale is that as mama's, we need to remember that in order to be there for our families, we need to be there for ourselves as well. So, take some time away. Get your hair done, wander aimlessly around Target or take yourself out for a cup of coffee. Take time to reflect on the wonderful mother you are and how much more you can be there for your family by giving yourself time to reboot. You won't regret it! blog//twitter//facebook

Are you a Mama with a story to tell?
Email your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com.

This Reverie

Sweater - Gap

Dress - Ruche

Tights - Hue

Boots - Locale

Ever find that some winter days just feel so quiet?  It's not necessarily a tangible thing, more like a feeling hanging in the air, but it feels like the world hushes itself a touch, and a stillness abounds.  Some days I look outside my window and feel this global pause...until my baby girl's excited babbles interrupt my reverie and bring a smile to my face.

Oh, and don't forget to check out two spots from BevMo here, that I shot a while back. 

True Story:

Baby made her first sandwich.

Applesauce spread on a piece of toasted and buttered bread. 

By her proud reaction, I'm guessing it's yummy. 

What Now?

Necklace - c/o Scarlet Samples
Sweater - Esprit

Top - Costa Blanca

Dress - Ruche

Socks & Tights - F21

Boots - Locale

I love that I got to spend the whole day with Andrew for Valentine's Day - thanks to some very obliging Gandparents of course!  We had a great time going out to lunch, dessert, playing board games, doing some shopping, etc, etc.  It was also nice to get a whole day out without a little baby with us, but at one point we just sat down in the middle of mall not knowing what to do with ourselves.  We have not had free time for so long that once we had it we had no idea how to fill it.  It was quite funny, we just looked at each other wondering, "What now?"  

On another note, this dress is far too loose on me to know what to do with, so I'm tackling the challenge of turning it into a proper fitting skirt. Oh boy!  I'm nervous, but hey I've gotta try right?

True Story:

After bath time, my little babe decides to climb onto her toilet seat...naked.  

Sit there for fifteen minutes...naked. 

Grunt a little and talk a lot....naked. 

Eventually I took her off, but she wanted to stay....naked.

That's Love

Hair bow - Etsy

Necklace & Earrings - F21

Ring - Lulus

Top - Ruche

Corduroys - Le Chateau

Boots - Feet First

I wish I had something profound to say to you on this Valentine's Day.  Something about the power and magic of love, but I don't.  Love is not that which we find in romantic comedies.  It doesn't end when the two people get together, it starts.  What the movies don't show you is the hard work that goes into sustaining a relationship for the long term.  They don't show the loyalty and faith that couples have in one another when they stay with each other through trying and difficult times.  That's love.  

That, and a man who cooks for you, of course.

Happy Valentine's Day!

p.s.  I'm so excited about the giveaway I have coming up at the end of February!  I'm all giddy!
p.p.s.  I'd so appreciate your vote here! 

True Story:

Baby looks at me, shakes her head, wags her finger and says, "No."  

I wonder where she learned that from?

Don't answer that.

Mamahood Exposed: To Laugh

Sometimes we take our role as Mamas very seriously, and sometimes you just gotta throw your hands in the air and say, "To heck with it!"

Hey there, I'm Beth and I blog at Through the Eyes of the Mrs.  I'm a mother to three ages five, three and two.  You could say I'm a pretty busy person. I try to do it all and usually have a breakdown once a month. You know how it is? We are expected to be super hero's.  It's tough to meet every one's expectations.

So today instead of telling you how I do it all.  I'm going to let you see how imperfect I am and let you know it's okay.  We are our biggest critics and sometimes we need to give ourselves a break.We can't always do it all and it's okay to laugh at ourselves.

 Did someone say Cheerios? Whoops I think she got carried away.  All the while I'm desperately trying to finish the dishes.  What are you going to do?  

Call the dog and grab the vacuum.

  

Yes he wore two different colored flip flops.  Even though I say I have eyes everywhere we both know that isn't true.  Let me tell you about another shoe story in the summer.  We had a busy day and last minute decided to go and grab dinner.  We arrived at the restaurant and realized our oldest wasn't wearing shoes.  
Yes, these are the things that happen to me.

 

 Brianna with her worm friend.  She held onto him while spending an afternoon outside.  Sadly this is the only picture we have of her with her wormy.  Right after I took this she decided to eat him.  Now what kind of mother allows her daughter to eat a worm?  I will tell you... A speechless one!

Who dressed this poor boy for preschool?  Well his entire class realized he was a size 5/6.

I felt terrible but at least he was wearing underwear.  

Of course he didn't care, not one bit.  Harmless mistakes happen. 

I've decided I should never walk out of a room.  The kids covered our golden in their macaroni and cheese.  The sad part was she was trying desperately to have a bite.  

Needless to say she needed a bath.

I guess I shouldn't have left the butter on the counter after breakfast. Note to self, a two year old will wash their hair with butter.  It is the worst to try to get out of their hair.  Especially if it hadn't been brushed yet.  

Guard your butter!

If you spend a lot of time on a cake just spare yourself the trouble.  Give them a piece!

Never say "don't touch the cake it's for after dinner."

Do yourselves a favor and listen to this important message.

Just buy stock in Kleenex already.

I'm sure this is a regular occurrence in every house with toddlers.

Now most of these are cell phone pictures but you get the idea.

We have to laugh and quit being so tough on ourselves.  No one is perfect and mothers have a tough job.  Face it we are all pretty amazing!

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Are you a Mama with a story to tell? 
Send in your submission to joanna.haughton@hotmail.com.